Address conflict early, directly, and by getting to the underlying interests — not by picking a side or hoping it fades. Most team conflict is healthy disagreement that turned personal because no one mediated it.
How to approach it
1. DON'T IGNORE IT — unaddressed conflict festers and spreads
2. UNDERSTAND each side separately and privately first
3. SEPARATE positions from interests
Position: "We must use Kafka." Interest: "I need reliable async processing."
4. BRING THEM TOGETHER on shared goals, with you facilitating
5. AGREE on a path + how to disagree better next time
A script
"You two clearly disagree on the queue design and it's getting tense. Let's get the facts on the table. Sam, walk me through your reasoning. Maya, then yours. We share the same goal — reliability — so let's decide on evidence, not volume."
